well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
