Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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