I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
