Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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