the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize