I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize