New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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