I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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