are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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