you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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