There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
