I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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