I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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