Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Life is so much better after having sex.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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