I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
