but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
