Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
