my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
