I'd wear matching sweaters with you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
