He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
