make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
