Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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