Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize