we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
