this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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