We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
