Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
