My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
