Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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