I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I skipped work to stalk him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
