So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This baby is an asshole
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
