Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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