Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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