You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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