ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
