HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
