Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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