This is not my ceiling
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
