yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need to stop coming to work sober
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
