So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
