I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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