Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
