Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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