Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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