forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
