Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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