I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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