Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize