I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we're making bets on your personal life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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