The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
