I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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