I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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