the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
