He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
