dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
