Sponge bath it is.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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