i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
