i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
