Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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