she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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