Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
