Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
