Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
