so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
