Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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