His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
