I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
