you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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