well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
