with your own penis?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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