i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
