GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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