i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
