I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
