You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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