I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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