Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
