Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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