She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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