I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
